| Author | Message | ||
     LtCmdr Maiko D'rall |
They say in officer training that if you ever aren't sure what to do in a situation, to go with the first instinct that comes to mind and stick to it. Hearny said something similar, just more along the lines of "If you think about an action too long, you'll be a bloody smear on the ground when you make up your damn mind." It's advice that's served me well so far, or so I thought. But there's a fatal flaw to it - they don't tell you what to do when your instinct is horribly, horribly wrong. They don't tell you how to cope with the threat of paralyzation because your instinct said 'stick to the helm' instead of 'get the hell away from it'. Or how to apologize when your instinct made you warp away while the HDS was on. Or what to do when you've crushed a person's spirit and made a complete mockery out of them when you thought you were getting a little revenge and maybe even helping them a little. I cried yesterdat, out in space in view of the stars. It should have been a good day, a date with Zach, something to keep my mind off the fact that even the Pfhor aren't invulnerable to the Fleas. And instead I lost one friend, alienated myself from another, and threatened a budding relationship. It's all over the ship now. The others in my morning jogging group were talking about it before I joined them, though they didn't know I was able to hear them until I stepped around the corner and caught them mid-reaction. Frowns, disapproving glares from those who are also friends of Savant. Mirth and glee from those who I know resent how a non-Fleeter has come so far. Rachel and a few others, comiseration. And for the entire jog, no conversation, so unlike other days. I need to talk to someone about this, yet I can't go to many people. I certainly can't talk to Daren or Tal. The Admiral, I'm sure, is already working up some sort of charge or riot act for me. Clarence hates me now. And Savant... what would I say? "Gee, I'm sorry for ruining your life, but I think the idea of you and the Admiral as a couple is sweet and I got a good laugh out of it having finally got you back for that barracks incident?" My instinct says to talk to someone, yet that's what I don't have now. I need to talk to someone who's objective, who doesn't have a reason to hate me for what I did, and who can give me good advice on how to make right what is wrong. Of all the times I would give my right arm for a counselor onboard Coronado... |